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- Yvonne Amukwaya
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A couple of months ago, I had a nasty break-up and I must admit that it took its toll on me. I was down on the floor. Ultimately I fell into a minor depression because of one person that I made my happiness revolve around.
I was unhappy after the break-up and although I knew I was not at fault, it felt like I was, and this gave me reason to want to keep apologizing and trying to make it up to the person while it was supposed to be the other way around. During all this time, I was simply unhappy and sulky.
But then I got out of it, after days and days of dark moments, breakdowns and feeling so much resentment and bitterness towards the world. I realised I should not make other people miserable by the way I treated them because of my own misery. Finally, that picked me up. I walked out of my dark room, feeling as though I am alive again, happy to be alive and to be me.
I felt cleansed and I do not know why. I guess God has something to do with it, or at least someone bigger than I. The previous day, a friend told me that she is praying for me and that I will be fine, it won’t be long. I am not very religious so I shook it off thinking “whatever!” Of course I freaked out slightly when I heard someone I hardly confide in say that she will pray for me. But eventually I let it slip.
Life went on pretty normal after that, and a week after that, I just woke up and I was full of life and energy. I wanted to open the window early morning to catch the first rays of the sun and wipe away the fog from my bedroom window.
I do not know how I did it, but I did. I felt the need to just live again after so much time being a zombie. And it reminded me of something that I learned a few years back and that is: “within your weakness, you will always find strength.”
Finally that phrase made sense to me. At last I was the lively and confident person I have always been even though I still felt hurt at times.
And it felt good to be able to be happy and appreciative of the people and the little things in my life. I woke up and I wanted to work, because I love writing, although I have yet to master the art of creative thinking. That morning for the first time in what felt to be ages I did not want to be a sucker to anything or anyone. I just wanted to live my life, concentrate on my school, gain writing experience and be with my family.
I look back and I think, damn I was stupid. How could I have wasted so much time sulking because of a single person? And even now when I see that person with another, I am happy that they look happy. I am grateful for becoming a much stronger person because of those little storms that we go through in life.
It reminded me of a good friend that said to me that his happiness is his. His happiness does not depend on another because it is his alone for his keeping. If his girlfriend is unhappy, then so be it. Well, for awhile I found that rather cocky and inconsiderate but right now, I can not agree more. One’s happiness is one’s own, it should not be up to the next person for me to smile or be joyous.
I personally think that it is God’s gift to humanity and I see my friends and people I know saying I’m unhappy because my partner is...For Christ’s sake, am I missing something here?
What about you, if your partner loved you so much, why would he/she be so selfish to put your happiness at the end of the line.
Anyway so be it. I for one will never let my happiness be dependent on another, my happiness is mine for the keeping and every storm only makes me a stronger and better person. We are so much stronger then what we think we are. And know for sure that God does not sent his children on rough paths without strong shoes to last them through that trip.
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